My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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