I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
