Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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