You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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