The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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