I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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