Sponge bath it is.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize