Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
