Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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