just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
