he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
