you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
