Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
