Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
