Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
