Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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