I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize