what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
