Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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