She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize