My sheets look like a crime scene.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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