He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
