i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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