But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
