you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
