Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're a waste of cheezeits
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
