I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
