you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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