Don't you send me to vm
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
