So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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