Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
