i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
