Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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