I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
