drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
