I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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