I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
