Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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