batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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