We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
