I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
