And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
