Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
