The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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