i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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