You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
