chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I smell stomach acid.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
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I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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