Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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