Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
