Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
either way he was missing a nipple.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
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Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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