i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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