Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
