so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
