Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
