Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
