WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
