Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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