Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
