Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
bring money and cleavage
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
