Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
