So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He better not be in your backpack
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
