Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
