I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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