Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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