I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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