are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
