I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
