They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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