dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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