nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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