I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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