No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
