**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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