I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
