Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
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Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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