I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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