I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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